Itsh time for shome shcotch!

Hey, you! Yes, you! What’s that you’re drinking there? Does it simultaneously taste like fine, malted barley and smoked ham? If yes, then I like the cut of your jib. If no, then I must ask, why the hell not? Surely there can be no more gentlemanly a combination than a fine scotch and a fine smoke? And for those who feel so inclined, there is the possibility to combine the two into a single tasting experience. With, say, Bowmore 12 Year.

That’s right—I sense your thoughts. “Why, I do enjoy chasing a bite of delectable Westphalian Räucherschinken on thick-sliced rye with a bracing dose of a fine single malt scotch.” That’s what you’re thinking if you’ve done it before. And if you haven’t, then (unless you are insane), I will assume that you are thinking “why, I surely would enjoy chasing a bite of delectable Westphalian Räucherschinken on thick-sliced rye with a bracing dose of a fine single malt scotch.”  I bring this up because this is a peated malt, which means that it has a flavor somewhat reminiscent of smoked meat added to more normal scotch, aka amazing.

You see, drinking a glass of Bowmore is pretty much like drinking a glass of awesome. Just smelling it makes you want to put on your best Sean Connery voice and march around your home shouting its name at the cat (which will surely appreciate what’s going on even if it doesn’t act like it). In fact, why don’t you give us a hand, Sir Sean?

Who, me? Well alright then, Bowmore!

Bowmore! See, pretty sweet, huh? Go ahead—try it on your own!


Now, to keep you further entertained while you work on your Scottish brogue, here are some fun facts!


1. The Bowmore distillery is located on the shores of Loch Indaal.

Oh, fuck this Cold War shit. Baldwin! Shet a course for the Isle of Islay!

2. It is considered one of the oldest distilleries in all of Scotland.

I already told you: in 1779 I will be getting drunk in Shcotland, not flouncing around France or America or wherever. Now don’t ashk me to come with you again or I’ll cut you for sherious.

3. Bowmore 12 Year’s extra smokey flavor comes from peat fires being used to dry the malted barley.

Do you know what elsh peat can do? Presherve human remains. Now get me a shcotch before I tosh you in a bog!

4. The excess heat from the distillery is channeled over to heat a nearby public swimming pool.

Remember that aweshome shwimming pool shene in “Thunderball?” After filming it I invited the sharksh over to my plashe for drinksh and we all deshided not to show up in that piece of shit “Live and Let Die.”

5. In September of 2007 a bottle of Bowmore 1850 was sold for £29,400.

I think I have a new plan, Cage. We poishon the terrorishts, take the money ourshelves, and buy two, maybe three bottles of shcotch with it, okay?


And yes, the thing about peat preserving people in bogs is totally true. To learn more, just click here.  But be advised:  you may find that a nice, soothing scotch helps to calm your nerves after viewing some of the stuff that shows up in there!

1 comment to Itsh time for shome shcotch!

  • I no longer can consider myself a man, for it’s been months since my last Scotch, plus this gin makes me feel rather more like Austin Powers than James Bond. These etchings of Sean Connery do not help either, for his is more man than I can ever hope to be. In particular thanks to that stylish crimson number.

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