I’ve received a whole lot of shit over the last few weeks regarding my attitude toward zucchini; vile, squelchy, vindictive zucchini what tries to hide itself wherever I choose to eat.

Enough I say! Stop hiding it places! Enough with it always!

Let us be honest with each other: zucchini itself has absolutely no flavor. It is but a husk: a failed life form. It yearns to become more than itself, yet cannot. Alas, in its most triumphant of sizzles, it hardly browns; nay it falters, then vindictively leeches biblical amounts of water into one’s primavera.

Prove me wrong, I dare ye fellow eHos.

The zucchini, as a species of vegetation has nothing to bring to, well…anything that can be considered cuisine. We keep trying: use it to replace noodles in lasagne, or hide it in places we assume no one will find it.

“But, you’ll never notice it!”

Nay nay, it’s not an ingredient, it’s a goddamned flavor black hole. If flavor passes too close to its event horizon, said flavor becomes but a lost memory.

Don’t let others suffer as we have.

6 comments to Mussol-zucchini

  • Ha! Is that a double-dog dare?

    My personal experience with the zuke dates back to my Hungarian aunt who produced the most delicious pickled zucchini known to man (and woman)kind. Additionally, its use by Organic Bliss in their Zucchini Chocolate Roll is divine.

    I can see your point, however, in that with little flavor and moisture-laden texture, one would ask “Why use it at all if it has to be disguised?” Perhaps it adds that manganese, Vitamin A and fiber that using fat wouldn’t provide.

    I am reminded of living in Sacramento. It used to drive our boss crazy that we would say “living in Sacramento is great because you can be in much cooler places in only 90 minutes.” Much like “using zucchini is great because you can’t taste it at all when you use it in much more flavorful dishes.”

    Um. Dare accepted.

  • Well, my ability to get the recipe for pickled zucchini has been greatly curtailed, by the passing of said Hungarian aunt this past weekend. I vow to write a posting on all the great recipes I do have from her, and celebrate her life with food, the way she did. RIP Aunt Helen, whose constant refrain to all of us, delivered with an Old World accent, was “Eat! You should eat up this good food, oy!”

    • Oh noes! Many condolences on the loss. Hope the services went well.

      As such, I do demand said recipes, for they must not be lost to antiquity. Proper goulash must never die.

      • princesszyrtec

        Thank you for the condolences. Two of her sisters remain, and so I still may be able to glean some wisdom from them.

        Demand the recipes, do you? It’ll cost you.

        We’ll work out the terms privately.

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